20 to 50

30 years

Youth is gone. Pain is here. 

I just want the pain to go away. 



I used to jog but has gradually stopped this year because every time I jog, my knee started feeling pain. 

So I walk everyday as my only form of exercise. However, my right kneecap that has niggling pains for many years, finally violently protested. I was limping with an umbrella as a crutch.  Have to rely on muscle relaxer to release the pain. 

Also,  need to rest my legs. I can’t walk too much, can’t go Pokémon hunting. For two days, I lied on my bed and binged watch HK TV dramas nonstop. 

Despite the leg problem, I do enjoy able to laze around without guilt, not going to work and entertaining myself with mindless TVs. 

My knee is still painful. I used to walk to all the neighbourhood for Pokémon raid, now I can only go to the nearest Pokemon gym for raid or forfeit the daily raid pass. 

Hope to be able to walk normally again. I still wish to enjoy holidays, zenning out while walking away my problems and keeping myself fit. 

In the end

There were so many issued that I want to rage on my blog – Oxley Road house, minister’s comments on MRT breakdowns, deadlines and more deadlines, people piling more and more work at me …..

But when I signed on WordPress, I felt so numb and don’t really have anything to write. My mind is full of deadlines over the most boring, unimportant mundane stuff that I can no longer occupy my brain with useful knowledge.

Corporate world wanting me to be their version of me whilst I want to be my version of myself. 

My parents worked so high and suffered so much throughout their lives.  By the time when they can retire without financial liability, they are hit by chronic illness. 

I fear that by the time that I can slam the door and leave corporate world behind, I will repeat their same fate. Or worst, corporate world is Hotel California that I can’t leave. 

In the end, it doesn’t matter. No matter how hard I try. 

Rest in peace, Chester Bennington.  I do not know your name before your death. I only knew your sorrowful voice through Linkin Park. There was a phase in my life that I listen to In The End, Numb etc repeatedly every morning before I face this real world.  


At home, I played Piano tiles 2. 

During commute, I listen to Podcast. Occasionally, I play Plock!

I played Pokemon Go while outside home/office. 

All these fluffy stuffs help me through grinding work life and worries over parents’ health.


Life can take such a sharp turn. About two weeks ago, I was so stressed over work until I fell sick. I have yet to recover. 

Then, despite the sickness, I felt happy because I have a short vacation. No work, no stress. 

Then, life spiralled downward after the vacation. Father need a major surgery and is still recovering. He is sad and I am sad too. 

Now, I have triple whammies of personal health, work and family’s troubles. 

Trying to find small joy in life by escaping to books, YouTube, HK dramas and Pokemon go from real life problems. 


After a short break after hectic work life, I felt happier. Before the vacation, I dread going to work.  No matter how I stay back after office hour, I still have tons of work undone. 

Vacation really cleanse the negativity of the past few months. I manage to have good quality sleep during the short break too.  Hopefully, I can continue the healthier lifestyle, but I am worried I go back to the same pattern. 

Keep having headache and joint pains in the last few days.  Hope it go away soon. Need to stretch..


1/3 of the year has passed and I am still stuck in a rut. 

I want to live my life for myself but I can’t. 

Many restless night that resulted in fatigue. 

Work life is so soul sucking. Felt like every email is a dementor. 

The thought of going back to office is so dreadful.

This is my blog, I don’t have to pretend to be happy or be positive when I can’t. 

Dislike positive police who is so smug in their positivity. 

Also, don’t like social justice warriors who is always looking for ways to be offended and so unforgiving for other people’s mistake. 

I want to exercise but all I do is lying on my bed surfing nets after work. 

Even Pokemon doesn’t excite me anymore. 

All my unhappiness can be point to work but money from work is my only escape route from unhappiness from work. 

Need to do one meaningful thing in the remaining 2/3 of the year.